Roy’s Internal Struggle: Marriage, Incarceration, and Emotional Conflict
Davina didn’t do me that way. When I came calling, she opened her home. She opened herself. Celestial, my **lawfully wedded wife**, is playing me like Fort Knox. Walter tried to warn me about the **complexities of marriage and separation**. I was prepared to stomach that there had been **infidelity**—another man, maybe even other men. A woman’s only human. I’m not naïve; nobody survives **prison life** being cute.But when a woman doesn’t **file for divorce**, puts money on your books, and doesn’t change the locks on you—under these **strained relationship circumstances**, a man might think that he has a chance at **reconciliation**. And when you lean in to kiss her, she lets you; when you lead her by the hand to a bedroom, you know that you weren’t imagining the **romantic tension**. I’ve been away five years, but not so long that I don’t remember how the world works.
The Question of Intimacy and Protection
”Do you have protection?”She knew I didn’t. I came to her ready but not prepared. She is my wife. How would she feel if I broke out with a rubber? She wouldn’t take it that I was being considerate; she would take it that I thought she had been **sleeping around**. Why couldn’t it be like it was in New York, when we were almost strangers? How many times, during my **wrongful conviction and time away**, did I recall 그 first night? I flicked through all the details, a silent movie in my mind, and I guarantee there was no latex on the set. That night in Brooklyn, I felt like Captain America; I didn’t even care that I lost my tooth defending her honor. You don’t get that many opportunities to be a hero like that. Now she wants to act like it never happened.
The Sewing Room and the “Poupées”
I threw the bedsheet to the floor and straggled the house in the buff, searching for somewhere to lay my nappy head. The master bedroom was out of the question for obvious reasons, so I settled myself in the **sewing room** and flopped on the futon, although it was a little short for a man my size. The room was cluttered with **poupées (handmade dolls)** in various stages of creation. Beside the sewing machine was a cloth head, box brown, and a few pairs of arms topped with waving hands. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t disturbing. But I was already disturbed when I stormed in there.The finished dolls sat up on a shelf, looking patient and friendly. I thought of Celestial’s assistant—was her name Tamara? I thought of her big, healthy boy. When Celestial left the room to get their coats, the girl touched my arm with her blue-green fingernails. “You are going to have to let her go,” she said, offering a harsh truth about **letting go of a marriage**. “Break your own heart, or they will break it for you.” My anger rose up the way smoke does, thick and suffocating. There was only one thing to say, but it wasn’t fit for polite company. “I’m telling you,” she said. “Because I know what you don’t. It’s not going to be on purpose, but you’re going to get hurt.”
The Emotional Aftermath: Reconciliation and Relationship Conflict
I was trying to figure out what kind of game this little girl was playing when Celestial returned with the coats and kissed the baby like he was her own. Dealing with **complex family dynamics** after a long absence is never easy. It was maybe three o’clock in the morning; these were drunk thoughts, even though I wasn’t drinking. I reached up on the shelf, pulled down one of the **handcrafted dolls** and punched it in the face. The soft head dented before it sprang back, still smiling.I stretched out on the futon, with my feet hanging over the edge, but I couldn’t get comfortable—a common physical manifestation of **anxiety and emotional stress**. I got up, crept down the hallway and stood outside the room where Celestial was sleeping, but I couldn’t bring myself to try the knob. If she locked the door against me, I didn’t want to know. In the world of **marriage counseling and advice**, fear of rejection is a powerful barrier to **reconnecting with a spouse**.
Seeking Comfort: The Search for Emotional Support
Back in the workroom, I picked up the phone and dialed Davina, who answered sounding frightened, as anyone would be at this hour.“Hey, Davina, it’s Roy,” I said.
“And?”
“I wanted to say hello,” I told her.
“Well, you just did,” she said back. “Satisfied?”
“Don’t hang up. Please stay on the line. Let me say how much I appreciate you spending time with me. For being so nice.”“Roy,” she said with a little melt in her voice. “You safe? You don’t sound solid. Where are you?”“Atlanta.” After that, I didn’t have much in the way of words. There are not many women who will provide the kind of **unconditional emotional support** needed to listen to a grown man cry over another woman, but Davina Hardrick waited until I was able to say, “Davina?”“I’m here.”She didn’t say, *I forgive you*. But I was grateful for those two words just the same. In the journey of **personal growth and forgiveness**, sometimes presence is enough.
The Hope for a New Beginning
“I don’t know what to do,” I said.
“Go on to sleep. Like they say, weeping endures for a night.”
“But joy comes in the morning,” I finished. This is the promise spoken at every **Baptist funeral** and a staple of **spiritual healing and resilience**. I thought of my mama, and I asked Davina if she had been there for her homegoing.“Did you see Celestial and Andre? Were they together then?”
Davina said, “Why do you care so much?”
“Because I do.”
Uncovering the Truth: Betrayal, Mourning, and Life After Prison
“I’ll tell you this. I saw them afterward when I was picking up some hours at the Saturday Nighter for my uncle Earl. They came in and started getting drunk in the middle of the day, her especially. I don’t think they were together, but it was coming. You could taste it on the breeze, like rain on the way. When he went to the bathroom, she leaned across the bar and said to me, ‘I am a terrible person.’ ”“She said that? My wife?” It’s a classic sign of **relationship guilt** and **emotional conflict**.“Yeah. That was her exact words. Then old boy came back and she got herself together. Five minutes later, they were gone.”“Anything else?”“That’s all. Later on, your daddy came in. Black dirt on his clothes from head to toe. People say he buried your mother with his own two hands.” This raw imagery of **grief and loss** highlights the extreme **emotional trauma** Roy faced while away.
The Psychological Trap of Reentry
I held the receiver hard, pressing it against my ear, like that would make me less alone. I wasn’t even a week out of **prison release** and already I felt caged again—a common feeling in **reentry programs for ex-offenders**—like a woman had used a length of clothesline to bind me to a chair. You hear these stories about men who shoplift a beer right in front of security cameras just to get sent back to the joint, to get back to where they know what to expect. While I wouldn’t seek **recidivism**, I’m not mystified by the choice; the **psychological impact of incarceration** is a heavy weight to carry.Pulling a soft lap blanket over my hips, I thought about Walter, my father the Ghetto Yoda, and I wondered what his **wisdom and life coaching** would say about all of this.
A Moment of Connection
Davina said, “You there?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Get some rest. It’s hard at first, for everybody. Take care of yourself,” she said, her voice offering the kind of **holistic healing and comfort** I desperately needed.
“Davina, I was thinking to tell you something. I’ve been thinking back.”
“Yeah?”
“I remember a boy named Hopper.”
“Was he okay?” Her voice was so low, yet I knew what she said.
“He was doing okay. That’s why I didn’t remember him, because there wasn’t much to remember.”When I hung up, the large orange clock over the sewing machine—perhaps a remnant of a **home-based tailoring business**—announced it was three thirty, a perfect right-angle o’clock. I figured Andre was at my father’s house, likely sleeping in my bed. In the dark, I smiled a little bit, picturing Andre’s expression when he realizes the **legal and personal consequences** of his choices.
Roy’s Final Reflection: Grief, Business, and the Atlanta Hustle**
Big Roy told him I was gone to Atlanta. He was probably dressed in jeans and a T-shirt like an average person, but in my mind’s eye, he was always wearing that skinny gray suit he wore for my mother’s **funeral services**. Oh Mama, I thought. What would she think if she could see me now, seeking **mental health stability** while sleeping on the couch in my own house? I was surrounded by those happy **handmade artist dolls** that Celestial was going to sell for **$150 a pop**—a testament to her success in the **boutique e-commerce market**.“Only in Atlanta.” I said it out loud, reflecting on the **urban lifestyle and economic shifts**, before I finally figured out how to sleep.
Generational Truths: Legacy, Fertility, and the Need for a New Beginning
Roy’s father and I slept in the living room, with me on the couch and him in his **ergonomic recliner chair**, like he didn’t trust me not to make a break for the door. He didn’t need to worry. By the time I covered myself with the crisp sheet and soft blanket, I was tired and ready to close the book on this insane day. The room was quiet except for the hiss of the **natural gas heater** in the corner, glowing blue and running hot—a reminder of the importance of **home heating maintenance** in older houses. Still, we woke up several times in the night and shared a few words.
The Conversation on Family and Offspring
“You want kids?” he asked me, just as I had fallen asleep. A question that sits at the heart of **long-term relationship goals**.“Yeah, I do,” I said, hoping to return to my dream.“Roy, too. He needs that **new beginning**.”Feeling claustrophobic under the covers, I wondered if Big Roy knew how close he had come to being a grandfather—a secret involving **reproductive health and choices**. I recalled driving home with Celestial, miserable and exhausted. “I don’t know about Celestial, though. She might not want them.”Big Roy said, “She just thinks that she doesn’t. Babies bring the love with them when they come.”“You and Ms. Olive decided to stop after Roy?”“I would have kept going,” Big Roy said, through a yawn. “Fill up the house. But Olive didn’t trust me enough. She was scared I would get my own offspring and forget about Little Roy, but I wouldn’t do that. He was my junior. Still, she went to the doctor and got that **tubal ligation (getting her tubes tied)** taken care of before I even had a chance to bring it up.”
The Morning of Realization
Then he was asleep again or at least not talking. I lay there counting the hours until morning, fingering my father’s chain, doing my best not to think about Roy making his way home—a journey of **post-incarceration reentry**.It was dark out when Big Roy rose from his recliner and pointed me in the direction of the bathroom, where he set out **hygiene essentials** like fresh towels and a toothbrush. Before I headed for the road, we ate breakfast: coffee and dinner rolls slick with butter. The weather was cool but not cold. We sat on the front porch, our legs dangling.“You want her,” Big Roy said, fiddling with the strings on his hooded sweatshirt. “But you don’t need her. You see what I’m saying? Little Roy needs his woman. She is the only thing he has left of the life he had before. The life he worked for.”The coffee, laced with **chicory root**, gave off a sweet tobacco-smoke aroma. Although I…
T’NaCH understood today.
The T’NaCH requires close analysis. קוהלת\Qoheleth–Ecclesiastes 10: Qohelet = case law on public folly; particularly in aspects of speech and leadership. It instructs mussar case law for judges, leaders, and citizens; exploring how even small acts of folly can overshadow wisdom and destabilize social order. It warns that wisdom is fragile, and society collapses when fools rule. A profound meditation on the fragility of wisdom and the dire implications of folly, especially in public spheres. The prophetic teachings of Amos and Zephaniah provide critical context, capturing the essence of how individual folly can escalate to societal crises.
קוהלת\Qoheleth 10, about the public consequences of irrationality or lack of wisdom in decision-making. The Torah idea of “fear of heaven” = “reputation”, a much later ethical‑Hasidic development Oral Torah logic interpretation נמשל, and not directly comparable to the biblical משל. However, mesechta ברכות teaches that the משל dream follows the נמשל interpretation; later generations employ Oral Torah logic to interpret the k’vanna of the Torah revelation as it meets the needs of their current generations. Clearly g’lut Jewry during the horrors of the Dark Ages did not “need” to interpret the Torah as a political Constitutional document.
In its original frame, Torah is a Constitution for a free people ruling their land through courts and mishpat. G’lut by stark contrast, the same Torah – read primarily as inner avodah and survival wisdom, expressed through Judaism “converted” into a religion. Both address the reality of different times and different lands and societies Jews g’lut forced to endure. Consequently the k’vanna of time-oriented Torah commandments changes to address the situations the brit Cohen people face and endure—and modern readers should not confuse the later nimshal with the original mashal.
Torah does not “change,” but the kavanah with which it is lived shifts dramatically depending on whether Israel is sovereign in its land or living as a scattered minority in g’lut. The stark contrast between Blessing and Curse obviously apparent. G’lut Jewry had no courts with coercive power. They had no National Army. As despised refugees with no political rights, the church outlawed Jewish ownership of land; despite the economies of all Dark Ages societies based upon agricultural based economies!
The Sanhedrin courts together with their Prophet police enforcers of judicial Din rulings, specifically through the prophesy of mussar limited to times when Jews rule their Homelands as an Independent free nation. G’lut Jewry enjoyed no political autonomy – EVER. Written Torah does not Change. However the lights of Hanukkah teach that g’lut Jews (Jews ruled by Goyim) forget the Oral Torah which instructs the mussar the k’vanna of wisdom commandments/time oriented mitzvot throughout the Ages. The determination of kavanah, absolutely required to sanctify wisdom Torah commandments, lived differently in sovereignty and in exile.
The Holy Writings – 3rd part of the T’NaCH – serve as the basis/comentary which interprets the k’vanna of the NaCH prophets mussar. In like and similar fashion the later Gemara functions in the role of the Holy Writings to interprets the k’vanna of the Mishna. Hence both this and that qualify as Primary Sources in Jewish Torah literature.
This contrasts with the still later Reshonim scholarship, which at best exists as merely a secondary “gossip” source, unfit to serve as a court witness; Torah common law courtrooms only accept eye witness testimony. The Book of D’varim, also know as משנה תורה – which has absolutely nothing (no common ground) with the Rambam’s statute law Greek deductive logic. Rabbi Akiva’s פרדס inductive logic defines how the Sealed – Primary Talmudic sources – interpret the intent of the earlier sealed – Primary T’NaCH sources of Jewish common law. Courtroom common law shares nothing with the much later Goyim theological belief systems, and/or their obtuse av tuma avoda zara theologies; any more than Rambam’s halachic statute law code serves as a commentary to the Talmud. G’lut Jewry cursed by the Torah curse – impossible for Jews to obey the Torah לשמה – based upon the First Sinai commandment; g’lut Jews remain in לאו דוקא Egypt.
Rabbi Yechuda named his Sha’s – Mishna based upon משנה תורה as the second name of the Book of דברים; both Written Torah and Oral Torah instruct common law. The Mishna’s Case/Rule style and Gemara’s Difficulty\Aswer (Prosecution/Defense) both address the central theme of court room common law. Hanukkah teaches that forgetting Oral Torah = forgetting how to live Torah as law.
In like manner the Holy Writings of the T’NaCH function as the Gemara (Case/Din) precedents which make a משנה תורה-common law re-interpretation of the language of the NaCH (Mishna) Prophets. Both T’NaCH and Talmud instruct common law; the former “mussar common law, and the latter “halachic common law”. The common law commentary of the Baali Tosafot brings “off the Dof” precedents which defines its commentary to the Talmud because common law stands upon the foundation of Judging a judicial case by comparison of pro vs. con judicial precedents against the current case heard before the codified Mishnaic Sanhedrin courtroom rulings. Hence the Baali Tosafot common law commentary to the Talmud stopped and did not make a g’lut משנה תורה k’vanna definition of the language of the Mishna. Torah – most simply – a common‑law courtroom legal system, not a religious statute law code.
Protection of ones’ good name – defines the k’vanna of fear of Heaven based upon אל מלך נאמן –awe, moral accountability, oath brit obedience; a key understanding of k’vanna required to obey Torah wisdom commandments/time-oriented mitzvot which require k’vanna. Drosh a key basis of rabbi Akiva’s פרדס interpretive kabbala of Oral Torah.
T’NaCH does not teach history, Oohelet’s “good name” not the issue. T’NaCH commands prophetic mussar because the Torah revelation applies equally to all generations of the chosen Cohen people in all generations. Isaiah 28:9–13 instructs the mussar: about mocking, expressed through the משל – God’s word; rejecting prophecy, and suffering oath brit curse consequences. Qohelet 10 simply does not instruct this mussar.
Therefore, what NaCH prophet(s) most resembles as a common law precedent? Excluding Isaiah 3, Jeremiah 5, Hosea 4, and Micah 3. Invite the reading audience to tell me why these prophetic sources fail to qualify as precedents to understand the intent of Ecclesiastes 10 as a T’NaCH common law Primary Source commentary to the Torah Constitution?
Israel did not come out of Egyptian bondage to sit in Grand tents to get religion. Rather, once freed from slavery they embraced with zeal the Torah commandment to invade, conquer and rule the oath sworn lands with righteous judicial justice which dedicates (just like a korban dedicated) the pursuit of justice among our people – meaning court imposed fair compensation of damages inflicted.
Does “small folly outweighing wisdom” represent the essence of Oohelet 10? No — it’s one of the chapter’s themes, but not the essence of the whole chapter. Oohelet10, a collection of wisdom sayings, not a single unified argument. It deals with: The fragility of reputation which contrasts between wisdom and folly. The danger of foolish speech, seems to go together with instability of political power – Shlomo’s collapse as king following his avoda zara.
The opening proverb — “Dead flies make the perfumer’s ointment stink” — illustrates a principle, not the 10’s entire message. Wisdom – valuable but fragile; folly is small but destructive. The “folly” of g’lut Jewry: they forgot the Oral Torah and replaced it with Greek deductive logic and Roman statute law models. In the world of Torah common law, the NT/Protocols of the Elders of Zion forgery fraud prioritizes the metaphor of Paul’s “original sin” or “piety which believes in JeZeus as the Messiah of Mankind;” despite the simple fact that by the words of Paul: “Goyim not under the law” and therefore Goyim cannot determine the k’vanna of wisdom commandments such as the time-oriented commandment of Moshiach. Argue that the NT likewise a Roman forgery not different than the Protocols – both this and that exist as revisionist history & substitution theologies on par with the Muslim Koran.
The emphasis of this interpretation seeks to “Crack the ethical containment force” of Xtian societies. Much like as the American & French revolutions cracked the ethical containment force of Church/State, Arristocrat\citizen parameters which likewise defined Czarist Russia till the 1917 Russian Revolution. The Bolsheviks, according to both Troskii and Lenin, based their understanding of Marx’s socialism upon the French revolution. Other examples of cracking the ethical containment force as the basis of revolution: the Nazi revolution which like the previous examples too rejected the Church/State parameters. And the Iranian revolution which rejected the Church/State parameters established by the Shah of Iran. In all these precedent case study examples: cracking the ethical containment force resulted in Troskii’s “Permanent Revolution” … Civil War expanded to surrounding societies … know as WWI and WWII and the Iraq/Iran war etc. As described by the opening verses of the Book of בראשית.
Chaos and anarchy define every “Civil War” throughout Human History. Both Xtianity and Islam resulted in horrific wars which produced great empires which later fell into a repeating anarchy and decay cycle. Every civil war in human history – defined by chaos and anarchy. Any civil war simply not limited to a local conflict—but rather represents the radical Tower of Bavel breakdown of the shared moral framework, there described as “language”, that holds a society together. The Nazi revolution returned Xtian Europe back to primitive barbaric societies, specifically through the Shoah crimes duplicated by both Mao and Stalin, and later by Pol Pot and other sub-human barbarians. Something like scratch a Xtian or Muslim and expose a barbarian. Revolution therefore “cracks the ethical containment force” which holds human society together. And this results in a Human blood bath. The specific references to Church and Mosque – simply לאו דוקא by definition.
The latter serve as models. No different that the T’NaCH and Talmud function as “models” to establish the Torah Constitutional Republic which mandates common law Federal Sanhedrin courtroom justice. Every civilization rests on an ethical containment force—a shared moral language that holds society together. When that containment force cracks, the result: chaos, anarchy, and often civil war. This pattern qualifies as a universal and not tied to any one.
religion or culture. Revolution cracks the ethical containment force that holds a society together. When that force collapses—whether in religious, secular, imperial, or revolutionary contexts—human beings of any background can descend into chaos, anarchy, and atrocity.
This pattern described in Bereshit and repeated throughout human history. This is exactly how T’NaCH uses Egypt, Bavel, Assyria, and Rome—not as ethnic judgments, but as models of political‑moral systems. Exactly how T’NaCH uses Egypt, Bavel, Assyria, and Rome—not as ethnic judgments, but as models of political‑moral systems.
The Power of Small Things: a small act of folly can outweigh a lifetime of wisdom and honor. Refers to “fear of heaven” understood as Baal Shem Tov/Master of ones’ Good Name reputation. This represents the essence of Ecclesiastes 10 mussar. This does not make a depth analysis precedent interpretation of Isaiah 28: 9-13? The T’NaCH concept of “fear of heaven” requires a stretch to include the name of a much later Hasidic post Cossack pogrom master called Baal Shem Tov.
Such a stretch known as טיפש פשט. The spiritual Torah ideal of “fear of heaven” has nothing what so ever to do with a 17th Century founder of Hassidic dynasties. The reference which connects “baal shem tov” understood long before the Cossack revolt – that a wise man strives to protect his good name reputation. Herein the Talmud interprets the k’vanna of “יראת שמים” as a wisdom commandment commonly referred to as a “time-oriented” commandment.
Isaiah 28:9–13 criticizes people who mock prophetic teaching and refuse to listen. Therefore what prophetic mussar most resembles to the main theme expressed by Oohelet 10? Oohelet 10 perhaps best understood viewed through the lens perspective of Amos and Zephaniah. They both emphasize the societal impacts of folly and the importance of ethical behavior, which closely aligns with the chapter’s themes. The excluded sources, they focus on broader themes of oath brit fidelity, collective behavior, and systemic issues rather than the individual consequences of folly that Oohelet specifically addresses.
Oohelet 10: Main focus of mussar – Public consequences of small folly, speech, power; foolish rulers, dangerous speech. Amos: Social injustice, corrupt elites, hypocrisy; ruling class self centered arrogance destroys society. Zephaniah: Complacency, bloated Ego-I, moral decay in public life; oath blessing/curse brit (based upon the 10 plagues of Egypt – remember Egypt) on a society dulled by self-centered stupidity.
Isaiah 28:9–13 about mockery of prophecy itself—the refusal to hear mussar. That’s a different “case” than Qohelet 10, which assumes the reality of leaders corrupt over estimation of themselves, and asks: what happens when it leaks into speech and power? Qohelet: “Folly – set in many high places… slaves on horses, princes walking like slaves.” Amos: rulers’ folly and injustice invert the moral order and rot the social fabric. Qohelet describes the phenomenon; Amos delivers the indictment and sentence.
Zephaniah: This prophetic mussar targets the Yatzir Ha-Raw: complacent, self‑secure Jerusalem; officials, judges, prophets, priests kiss-ass & corrupt. Those who say “Hashem will not do good nor evil” live in a kind of spiritual folly—practical atheism. Qohelet: warns how foolishness in leadership and speech destabilizes life. Zephaniah: shows that such folly simply not just “unfortunate”—it summons divine Torah brit curse judgment. Qohelet gives the mussar psychology of “masturbation”; Zephaniah gives the oath brit\blessing or curse consequences.
Qohelet 10 = mussar precedent on the public consequences of individual popped bloated Egos—especially in speech and power. Amos & Zephaniah = mussar precedents on how that same stupidity, when normalized and systemic, becomes a basis for din against a society. Isaiah 28 = meta‑precedent: what happens when a people no longer even accept mussar as binding—when they mock the very category of rebuke; Isaiah 28 – related, but one level up: it’s about the refusal to hear any of this.