The Weight of Incarceration: Celestial’s Story of Art, Trauma, and Survival
My family eventually packed up and migrated to **Atlanta**, finding refuge with my grandfather’s brother until my granddaddy secured a job. The catalyst for our move was a singular, haunting moment in a store: the realization that my mama was destined to be a **baby maid**. It was that sense of **inevitability** that forced my grandparents to seek a different life. Please hold onto that memory; it’s vital to understanding everything that follows.
I never shared this with you, but about a year ago, I experienced a mental health “incident.” It wasn’t a full breakdown, just a moment of profound **emotional distress**. I kept it from you because I didn’t want to add to your burden. I’m okay now, but you need to know what happened.
Andre and I were near **Peeples Street** after installing my latest art exhibition at the **Hammonds House**. These **handmade dolls** are incredibly intricate—almost **baroque**—crafted with raw silk and tulle. The **creative process** was physically demanding; I even built the movable platforms for the **topsy-turvy dolls** myself. Between the labor and the lack of sleep, I was completely exhausted.
We were walking down **Abernathy**, heading to get fish sandwiches from the Muslims. I was hungry, depleted, and vulnerable. Near an intersection, we passed a young mother and her toddler. He was tiny and beautiful. I often find myself wondering if, in another life, we would have a son that age. Looking at her—so young, maybe twenty-one, but so **conscientious** and present—I saw a reflection of a life I could have had.
As they approached, the little boy smiled, and I felt a sudden, violent **jolt of recognition**. He looked exactly like you. In that moment, a voice in my head—chilling and foreign—whispered, *”A baby prisoner.“* The trauma hit me instantly. I clamped my hands over my mouth, gasping. Andre looked at me, bewildered. I asked him, “Did you see him? Was it Roy?” He didn’t understand. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I lost control. The next thing I knew, I was on my knees on the sidewalk, sobbing and clutching a water hydrant as if it were a small, sturdy child.
Andre knelt beside me in what probably looked like a **domestic dispute** to passersby. He gently peeled my fingers off the metal, one by one. We eventually made it to the fish shop. He called Gloria, who arrived with a “nerve pill”—the kind of **anxiety relief** mothers always seem to carry. I slept for hours, trying to recover from whatever had possessed me. The very next day, I attended my **art opening** at the Hammonds House. I can’t fully explain the psychology of it, but that vision of a “baby prisoner” stayed with me like a **hookworm**.
## From “Dream-Adjacent” to the National Portrait Gallery: Art, Shame, and the Prison-Industrial Complex
The idea for the piece took hold of me like a parasitic **hookworm**. I had to create it. I took the doll, stripped away the innocent **John-Johns**, and meticulously crafted a diminutive set of **prison blues** using waxed cotton. Dressing that doll was grueling, but it transformed the object from a simple toy into a powerful work of **fine art**. This was the creation that eventually won the national contest. I deeply regret that you had to learn about its success from your mother rather than from me.
During my **artist interview** on stage, I chose not to disclose your situation. When the panel asked about my **creative inspiration**, I spoke of my mother’s history as a “baby maid” and discussed the systemic impact of **Angela Davis** and the **prison-industrial complex**. Our personal struggle is so intimate that I couldn’t bear to see it dissected in a newspaper headline. I hope you can understand my need for privacy in such a public moment.
Yours,
**Celestial**
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### Roy’s Response: The Reality of Incarceration vs. Artistic Fantasy
Dear Georgia,
A few months ago, you described yourself as “dream-adjacent,” but it’s clear you’ve been chasing a **professional fantasy** behind my back. While the shop was my vision, your aspirations were always rooted in **high-end galleries**, museums, and the prestige of **white-glove installations**. Don’t act as though I don’t know the real you.
I hear what you’re saying, but I also hear the silence. Are you **ashamed** of me? It feels like you can’t stand before the **National Portrait Gallery** and admit your husband is **incarcerated**. You have the platform, but you choose not to use it. I understand the transition is hard—we went from a “Huxtable life” to this nightmare—but it begs the question: where is our marriage in all of this?
Send me a photo of the doll. Perhaps I’ll appreciate the **artistic concept** more if I see it, but right now, I’m skeptical. Even if your goal is to **raise consciousness about mass incarceration**, what can a **handmade doll** actually achieve for those of us on the inside? Just yesterday, a man died here because of a lack of medical care. No amount of **poupées** or **social justice art** can fix the systemic failures of this facility.
I have always been your biggest supporter, but I feel you’ve crossed a line by erasing me from your narrative. I truly hope that prize from the **National Portrait Gallery** provides the fulfillment you’re looking for.
Your husband (I think),
**Roy**
## The Hidden Cost of Incarceration: Shame, Success, and Systemic Bias
That is all I will say on the matter. If you are uncomfortable admitting that your husband—an **innocent man**—is facing **wrongful incarceration**, you can simply tell people about my “promotion.” I’m now pushing a trash can around “Mars,” using giant tongs to collect refuse. Since **Parson Correctional Center** operates as an **agri-business** site, I’ve moved from picking soybeans to working inside. I may not have a white-collar shirt and tie, but I have a white jumpsuit. Everything is relative, Celestial. In this **prison labor** system, I’ve made it to the top. There is no need for you to feel **shame**.
Your husband (I think),
**Roy**
**PS:** Was Andre there? Were the two of you playing up that “childhood best friends” narrative for the crowd? I may have been born yesterday, but I wasn’t born last night.
—
### The Burden of Representation: Why the Truth Doesn’t Always Set You Free
Dear Roy,
Your last letter deeply upset me. How can I explain that this isn’t about **social stigma** or shame? Our story is too delicate for the public eye. Don’t you see? Once I mention **mass incarceration**, people lose sight of my identity as an **artist**. Even when I advocate for your **wrongful conviction**, the only label that sticks is “prisoner.” The truth gets lost in the **systemic bias**.
This was a pivotal moment for my career. My mentor flew in, and even **Johnnetta B. Cole** was there. During the **Q&A session**, I didn’t want to be “the prisoner’s wife”; I wanted to be recognized for my craft. Perhaps it was selfish, but I needed that moment. Please write back.
Yours,
**Celestial**
**PS:** I won’t even dignify your comments about Andre with a response. I trust you’ve come to your senses.
—
### The “Ghetto Yoda” and the Reality of the Black Professional Brand
Dear Georgia,
According to Walter, I’m being a “jackass” for not seeing things from your perspective. He argues it’s unreasonable to expect you to constantly highlight my **incarceration**. He calls it the “Fugitive” dilemma—you can’t spend your life chasing a one-legged man.
Walter believes your **professional advancement** and “brand” would be sabotaged by the **troubling stereotypes** associated with **African American life**. He says that as a Black woman, you’re already fighting **prejudicial tropes** about “fifty-eleven babies and daddies.” To the world, you are a “Houdini” of **doll-making**, working a high-level hustle. If you mention the “hoosegow,” the **racial bias** kicks in, and people stop seeing the artist and start seeing a statistic.
My exact words should be: **I’m sorry.** I didn’t mean to guilt-trip you. But the weight of this **legal injustice** is heavy, Georgia. You cannot imagine the reality of life inside these walls.
I checked the article again. You were wearing a smile—and my ring. I don’t know how I missed it before.
Love,
**Roy**
## The Branding of Survival: Navigating Racial Stereotypes and Professional Success
According to Walter, I have been a “jackass” for failing to see things from your perspective. He argues it is unreasonable for me to expect you to constantly broadcast that your husband is **incarcerated**. He says, “This ain’t *The Fugitive*. You want her to go running after the one-legged man?” (Now you see why we call him the **Ghetto Yoda**).
His core argument centers on **brand protection**: your potential for **career advancement** and professional growth is at risk if your public image is tethered to the **criminal justice system**. In his view, that association triggers **troubling stereotypes** of African American life.
Walter put it bluntly: “She is a Black woman, and society already projects **prejudicial tropes** onto her—the ‘welfare’ narrative and the ‘absent father’ myth. She has already fought to overcome those **systemic biases** to convince the world she is a master artisan. She’s working her hustle. If she stands up there talking about her man in the hoosegow, the audience stops seeing her talent and starts seeing those fifty-eleven stereotypes. She might as well give up her **entrepreneurial dream** and go back to a corporate 9-to-5.”
My exact words should be: **I am sorry.** I didn’t mean to guilt-trip you. But this **legal burden** is heavy, Georgia. The reality of life inside these walls is something you can’t imagine, and I pray you never have to. I went to the library and looked at the article again. I saw your smile and, most importantly, I saw **my ring** on your finger. I don’t know how I missed that symbol of our **matrimonial bond** before.
Love,
**Roy**
—
### The Silence of the Incarcerated: A Plea for Correspondence
Dear Celestial,
Did you receive my letter from last month? I offered a sincere **apology**, but perhaps I didn’t make it clear enough. I’m sorry. Please, write back. Even an **electronic communication** or email is fine.
**Roy O. Hamilton Jr.** **Inmate ID: PRA 4856932** **Parson Correctional Center**
—
### Seeking a Father’s Blessing in the Shadow of Injustice
Dear Mr. D,
I imagine this isn’t the life you envisioned when I approached you for your daughter’s **hand in marriage**. I was serious about doing things the “right way,” following **traditional marriage customs**. When you said her hand wasn’t yours to give, I felt embarrassed, like I didn’t understand the **social etiquette** of your world. But I needed to speak to you man-to-man. I wasn’t just asking for a wife; I was asking to join your family.
I have always respected my own father, even if he is technically my stepfather. He provided a **stable home environment** despite having no high school diploma. I respect his sacrifice more than anyone. But I looked to you as a **mentor**—a fellow “immigrant” to Atlanta’s **middle-class success**. You achieved **upward mobility**, and I felt I was on that same path until this **wrongful conviction** changed everything.
Mr. Davenport, Celestial hasn’t visited me in two months. She cited **transportation issues**, but the silence has grown long. I am turning to you because you know her better than anyone. Perhaps you can offer the **mediation** or guidance needed to bring her back to me.
## A Letter of Honor and Heartbreak: Seeking a Father’s Blessing
When you said, “Her hand is not mine to give,” I felt a wave of **embarrassment and social anxiety**. I tried to backtrack, pretending it was a joke, but inside I felt out of place—like I was eating with my fingers while everyone else used a knife and fork. I realized then that while her hand wasn’t yours to give, I still needed to approach you as a man. I wasn’t just asking for a wife; I was asking for the **honor of becoming your son-in-law**.
### The Influence of Positive Male Role Models
I am incredibly close to my own father, Big Roy. Although he is technically my **stepfather**, he is the only father I’ve ever known and the ultimate **positive male influence**. I am his “junior” in every way. Despite not finishing high school and living his life in small Southern towns, his **financial sacrifices** and hard work provided a secure home for our family. I hold more **respect for my father** than anyone else in the world.
### Seeking Mentorship and Shared Heritage
I came to you because of our shared journey. We are both **immigrants to Atlanta**, navigating the path from **rags to riches**. You’ve been established longer, and I was just “off the boat,” but our backgrounds are mirrors of each other. In asking for Celestial’s hand, I wasn’t just seeking a **marriage blessing**; I was seeking a **mentor**. I felt I was “punching above my weight” with her, and instead of the **fatherly validation** I craved, I left feeling like a dummy.
### Coping with Incarceration and Relationship Strain
Maybe I’m a dummy for writing this at all, but I am desperate. Mr. Davenport, Celestial has not visited me in Louisiana for two months. Despite no **relationship arguments**, she missed her September visit due to “car trouble” and hasn’t sent any **correspondence** since.
I am turning to you because you know her better than anyone. You once said I didn’t know her well enough to marry her—perhaps you were right. I am asking you to **advocate for our marriage** and speak to her on my behalf. Please tell her I understand the **heavy sacrifice of being a prison wife**. I have always worked for everything I have, and I am not used to asking for help, but I need her back.
The Prophetic Mussar of the Tohor midda of t’shuva
The Torah Parashat Vayishlach בראשית לד-לו addresses time-oriented commandments wherein “time” refers to wisdom rather than literal time tick-tock past history narratives. This Torah portion navigates complex stories which includes genealogies that embody deeper moral and ethical rebukes which later generations need to explore as understood through the wisdom of Mussar; a Jewish ethical, educational rebuke: active pursuit of fair restitution/compensation to the victim—rather than mere emotional guilt or substitutionary atonement. The relationship dynamics between Jacob’s family and the people of Shechem illustrate the significance of respecting sexual boundaries and ensuring that interactions conducted with both respect & honor. This contrasts sharply with certain Christian theological models of repentance, where forgiveness is framed through vicarious sacrifice, often without direct address of the victim’s pain or ongoing accountability.
T’shuva a key tohor middah. It fundamentally requires remembering the past through introspection, as exemplified through the month of Elul, Rosh HaShanna and Yom Kippur. This “wisdom” makes no attempt to justify past reactionary folly. But rather attempts to weigh the need to address the nature of damages inflicted upon others which requires some kind of mutually agreed upon fair compensation of damages. The Prince and people of Sh’Cem sought to profit from their crimes, they never considered the need to fairly compensate the Yaacov and his family for the rape of his daughter. Simeon and Levi massacre the males, rescue Dinah, and the other brothers plunder the city. Jacob rebukes them for endangering the family, but they retort: “Should he treat our sister as a harlot?” (p’suk 34:31)—highlights their raw demand for justice, even if their method exceeds Torah bounds. Jacob’s return to Bethel, Rachel’s death in childbirth, and Esau’s genealogy—highlighting continuity across generations
The genealogies imply that this wisdom of remembering past sexual folly, in order to due t’shuva – meaning pay some agreed upon terms or amounts to achieve some fair compensation of damages, greatly differs from the alien and utterly foreign substitute theology of repentance which totally ignores the pain suffered by the victims. Mussar principles of self-examination, character refinement, and moral accountability. T’shuva, a tohor middah, centers on honest remembrance of harm—especially sexual violation or disgrace (avoda zara dishonor in broader terms)—coupled with active, victim-centered restitution rather than emotional guilt or vicarious substitution. Esau’s extensive genealogy, underscore generational continuity: moral failings (or rectifications) simply don’t just disappear after the criminal generation dies out. War-crimes against Humanity never erased but must be confronted by descendants. Fear of Heaven means that peoples’ pursue t’shuva consequent to their ruined Good Name reputations, which might never heal across the span of generations.
Guilt theology, such as ‘this false messiah died for you’ not the same thing as remembering past personal, in this specific case sex disgrace or avoda zara dishonor. This significant distinction – a vital Mussar k’vanna throughout the T’NaCH, Talmud, and Midrashim. Which embodies the principles of accountability, respect, and reflection, absolutely symbolized through Torah judicial court-trials, which make fair restitution of damages inflicted – as exemplified by the 10 plagues and the splitting of the Sea of Reeds.
True t’shuva requires an honest acknowledgment of one’s sexual missteps, facilitating a path towards genuine correction and healing that others have suffered. The narratives compel us to reflect on past actions rather than ignore them, emphasizing that growth comes from inevitable missteps and the commitment to make amends. This t’shuva simply crucial for both individuals and communities seeking to forge healthy relationships. The detailed lineages rebuke the generations that moral failings (or corrections) pass down. Each generation must reflect on predecessors’ actions, rectify where possible, and avoid repeating past folly. This collective responsibility rejects “be here now” spiritual hippie individualism. Instead it fosters an ongoing ethical growth in families and communities.
The actions of Shechem and his father highlight a critical ethical breach: the attempt to profit from wrongdoing without appropriate restitution. In contrast, the expectation of justice in Jewish law mandates compensatory measures for harm done. This underscores the significance of fairness and moral responsibility in interactions. The judicial trials and structures presented serve as models for community accountability. They reinforce the idea that restitution: not simply limited to mere transactional affair, but an ethical obligation that reflects respect for the victim and for communal harmony. The 1939 British White Paper triggered the Shoah as did American pride which now viewed refugee populations as inferior scum on par with Christ-Killer slanders.
American attitudes in the 1930s–1940s reflected restrictive immigration quotas, intensified by the Great Depression, isolationism, and widespread antisemitism—including lingering “Christ-killer” slanders that portrayed Jews as collectively responsible for Jesus’ death, fueling prejudice. The 1938 Évian Conference (convened by FDR) exposed global reluctance: most nations (including the U.S.) refused to expand quotas for Jewish refugees, even post-Kristallnacht. Polls showed strong American opposition (e.g., ~72% against more Jewish immigrants in late 1938), sometimes viewing refugees as undesirable or inferior—echoing demeaning stereotypes. This collective failure to act, prioritizing national interests over humanitarian rescue, parallels the Shechemites’ self-serving avoidance of true restitution.
The genealogical refrains in these chapters further embody the continuity of responsibility across generations. They remind us that recognizing and rectifying past wrongs not limited to an individual personal journey. But rather a collective one, where each generation – called to learn from and address the failings of those before them. The ‘born again Xtian’ represents a total negation that limits faith to “be here now”. The narratives of this Torah prophetic mussar therefore serves as a powerful Aggadic/Midrashic story in the T’NaCH tradition which punctuates the importance of accountability, respect, and fair restitution.
Through introspection and a commitment to t’shuva, individuals and communities strive to navigate their moral landscapes, with the common goal of achieving integrity in communal relationships and actions. This wisdom encourages a richly nuanced understanding of justice which emphasizes and prioritizes the transformative power of genuine reflection and ethical responsibilities, promoting healing and mutual respect among and between Jewish marriages and families. This prophetic call in Vayishlach urges ethical integrity, respect for boundaries (sexual and otherwise), and ongoing responsibility, vital for Jewish continuity and mutual honor in relationships.
Fascinating read, Martha, thanks!
You’re welcome